Baby you're 1.

My little darling,

One year ago, I remembered carrying you, feeding you and kissing you for the first time. I couldn't believe I became a mom. I was apprehensive that I could never live up to the name of a mom and I can't believe now that it's been a year, we've actually walked through a year together, as a family! We're still here, alive and kicking.

You're a strong little character and recently we've seen you really demonstrating your own personality. You're fiercely independent, no one can help you when you're determined to do what you want to do. You want to feed yourself and do things your own way. You nod your head when you agree with you or when we understood what you wanted and shake your head vigorously when we're trying to counter what you want to do. Therefore meal times have been pretty challenging. Though I must say you're getting pretty good feeding yourself and you can pretty much get most food into your mouth using a spoon or a fork, but just the way you crank up when we're trying to help you with something sometimes send spoons, plates, bowls and of course food flying across room is pretty trying. Especially when you throw tantrum and end up screaming too.

You're a joy to play with. You're generous with your kisses and cuddles and understands our instructions. You pick the right books when asked and points enthusiastically when we ask about things you understand. You're really into imitating us and is quite observant too. You love little children too, watching and playing with children older than you keeps you occupied.

I don't think you're one who's afraid of new things because new rides, new items and even some new environments intrigues you. Something we really thank God for because one thing we've asked God for was that you'd be one who's adaptable.

We'll be moving back to Singapore as a family end of this month and daddy and I are really excited to see what God has in store for us. We're also very excited to see how we can serve Him more as a family and as you grow up, we pray that your open heart and genuine smiles will minister to many, including little kids too. You'll also be closer to your extended family and we're sure you're going to enjoy the closeness you can have with your grandparents and cousins too.

I can end up with many pages just writing about you, because you surprise us everyday. But I'll try to keep some to be used as stories to tell you as you grow up. This year as been an adventure for all of us, well done little girl, you've adapted to the world well, shining with your unique personality. May you continue to be in the world but not of the world and shine your light as a strong individual that can bless the people around you. God's made you that way. You've been a great gift from God and God has blessed us tremendously in every way. Just want to let you know that.

I love you, and I am looking forward to the many years ahead.

Love Mummy

p.s. Thank you Popo and all the uncles, aunties, che ches and gor gors who came to celebrate Janice's birthday. She's extremely blessed.

Janice turns 1 - Happy Birthday darling!

My little birthday card to you (Janice Mok Yu En)

I love you Janice, I still remember the day that I held you in my hands at 920am on the 30th of Oct 2008. Mummy might have won by staying closest to you since you were conceived, but I won by being the first to hold on to you! :)

But still all thanks to mummy and her endurance as it was really tough trying to get you to come into this world. Daddy was told that time would past faster if he records the intervals between mummy's each contractions, but after awhile, daddy's little note book was full! Mummy was going through such consistent contractions and for such a long time. Mummy went through so much for you. All daddy could do was say Oh...Ouch each time mummy squeezes daddy's hand.

All was great on that Thursday morning when we finally got to see you, and I believe I speak for mummy as well, it was all worth it, YOU are all worth it!

I can't finish saying how much you mean to me and that you have really brought so much joy and meaning to my life. I would be going to sleep every night knowing that the next day would be filled with so much joy and laughter and also the energy required to play and entertain you. :)

It has been a great year trying to know you more. Communication at the point in time still seems a little unclear and based upon a lot of assumptions. But the times when you say 'Daddy' 'Daddy' is all the communication I need to wake me up every morning to cuddle you.

I hope you have enjoyed your 1st year as much as I did, well if you didn't you most probably won't remember it anyway :)

I love you darling!!! HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!!!

Not Alone

I felt really odd driving out to meet a bunch of girlfriends for dinner to celebrate Lil's birthday. I felt even more odd as I got back into the car to drive home. It's been a year (or more?) since I drove out myself at night, without Janice, without Kelvin. I read a lot lately about "me" time and since Janice was born, it's practically non-existent. Tonight was one rare night. Though I felt the sudden "liberty" to be out, meeting up with people, no agenda. Bed-time, meal, etc all taken care of by the loving daddy, yet the weird feeling of wanting to be home at the same time, missing the baby smell on her head.

On the eve of Janice's first, I had the time and space to think and reflect. Just a short 20 mins, but the amount of space was amazing. I wondered about my identity and how the role of motherhood has taken over my life, like some massive invasion. Physically, I am never alone, because Janice is with me, almost 24/7. I felt strangely lost without her presence but at that point I was just anchored by simply the presence of God that is with me, reminding me of my true identity.

Lots of other thoughts came in, that reminded me how grounded I am with Jesus in me and a husband who loves me. And of course this little girl who cracks me up (both in tears and laughters) all the time. I am starting to understand a wee bit of what it is to learn to live in the present. I am glad, I am not alone.

Happy Birthday you chimmy chummy baby, I love you to bits (1st year entry for you will come soon). And to the best hubby, you've made a great mark as a daddy. And I am just so glad she's calling out for you all the time, her "daddddeeeee" melts my heart too.

Jotting them down before I forget

I thought I better jot these down before I forget and will be hoping for some peace when Janice's blabbering too much?

Speech Vocabulary

Daddy (daddy's very happy), Mama, more (as in more food) , Ta (aussie way of saying thank you), Tharnk Yu, duck

Act upon instructions

Head, toes, Flying kiss, kiss, cuddle, Stomp your feet, clap, wash your hands, open the window (of the little playhouse), Hi, bye (waving of hands), yes (by nodding your head and flapping the arms at the same time), no (shaking the head) uh oh/oh no (by covering her mouth) twinkle twinkle, head and shoulders song, eetsy bitsy spider....

Can also nod her head when simple questions are asked (mostly pertaining food) and ignore when it's a "no" or "not very interested". Understands what most common objects like ball, milk, duck, cups ...

I think that's all I can remember for now, anyone wants to employ her as an interpreter?

On a plain jane day

Most times, the blog is filled with pictures of our little adventures here and there. Here, I reveal the how a plain jane day goes. When I say that it's a plain jane day, it's a plain day, no big hoo ha, no big disasters (yet). In fact, I love such days, no frills, relaxing, fun (yes it is). On such days, my life is filled with pockets of slots. Nap time, play time, meal time. And in between will be slotted with cooking, laundry, cleaning up, shower, and on a good day, email, surfing the net and blog stalking. Every pocket of time needs to be very intentional, like once she's down for a nap, I zoom in and out of the bathroom, get some laundry/cooking done etc. Very boring cycle but when it's boring means it's routined and we both thrive on that.

So here's a little snippet, of a good day where I can still put in an entry, and with her smiling at the background taking her afternoon tea.

She's really into nodding her head and communicating with us now. Nodding when we ask her questions, pointing to what she wants. She's also grown overnight. She has been spatting out her mushy food and it's been so trying to feed her properly without having food everywhere but her mouth. Then all of the sudden bingo, she wanted normal textured food, like rice with soup and bits of food that she can feed herself with.

To break some myth here, SAHM is not boring, though there are heaps of time when the desperate need for some "me" time overtakes and you feel like walking out.

Janice @ 11months

My little girl,

You'll be turning 1 in 28 days time. I don't think you know that! but mommy and daddy are so excited about it, this 1 year of parenting has taught us so much, nothing within the boundaries of classrooms could ever have done. Thank you for this journey.

You've kept mummy really busy this month. I've resigned so that I could look after you more and I haven't regretted my decision. You've grown so much and I am just so glad I could be doing it with you. Your funny antics like choosing your biscuits, pointing to random things and replying me random stuffs throughout the day crack me up all the time.

You're also a very independent player and could be engaged by some of your stacking toys long periods of time. You've also amazed daddy and I by how much you understand some of our instructions. Just the other day, I told you to pack your toys back into the toy box and you actually did it. So I suspect you understand more than what I know you do, just that you have selective response sometimes, well we all do, you know, selective hearing? Make sure that we all learn not to be selective when we respond to God's word.

One thing too, not that it's something new to me, is that you have a really strong character. Thus on some days, I am totally restraining myself from shouting at you. Sorry that I did sometimes. In those situations, God really reminded me of His grace, at the same time the need to learn to teach and discipline you in gentle ways. We bought the Dr James Dobson DVD on parenting, so pray that God will reallly speak into daddy and my life and teach us ways that we can teach you well. We're really more than amateurs here, so bear with us, for the rest of your life :) We'll get there.

Thank you for being a little affectionate kid. You've showered me with more cuddles and kisses everyday than I deserve, your unconditional desire to have me by your side reminds me to be the same towards our heavenly father. Nothing could distract you from knowing my presence and desiring me to pick you up for a cuddle, not even your favorite toys. You could be totally engrossed in your little games with daddy, or your toys, but once I walk past, you've never failed to flash me your smiles and raising up your arms, awaiting a cuddle from me.

I love you to bits, you've brought so much more joy and depths to our lives and to our marriage and to our relationship with God too.

Love,

Mummy.

p.s. I've uploaded photos of Janice into facebook. drop me an email if you're not our FB and would like to be our "friend" :)

Growing in Child likeness in God - Week 1 of experiencing God

As mentioned of previous entry, I am trying to grow in this area of child likeness in God. Coming to God without complexity and profoundness. Just simply faith like a child coming to a father. Things hasn't been that great, cause my God wants to offer greater things in His plans for me. Janice fell sick and I really believed in God's power of healing and she is getting better in Jesus' name!

I have been really challenged to really have that simple faith to believe when God speaks. The times when I usually have to battle about is this thought from God or myself. Then very quickly, does this thought go against the principles of the bible, if not, I'll try to put it into action. When I spend too much time debating, doubt will creep in. And prayers lately have been so charged up with faith that when I ask God for something, the space for doubt within is not entertained as much as I used to. Not fully there yet, but will get there soon.

The simply illustration that I keep reminding myself is about a little girl who asked her father for a doll-house and her dad promised her that he'll build one for her. So in the simplicity and expectant heart she goes off to prepare the things required to fill the doll house. She packed her dolls, little print stickers to decorate her future doll house and the little accessories for the doll house. So after seeing the faith of his daughter, her dad quickly sprung into action to build that doll house he promised her.

How many times have I prayed for something and just 'waited' without faith; too many times have I not acted with faith, faith without actions is DEAD! Now I tell myself, if we pray for 8 converts, go and buy 8 bibles in faith to know that you'll need to give it away soon. When we pray for lame, prepare space to take home a wheelchair cause the person is heal and not needing the wheelchair anymore. When I pray, I must have actions to back up the prayer with faith.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15

So as the following week approaches, I'll be learning and practising more of my obedience towards God. As I have already started, I must be quicker to obey the call and commands of God. For obedience is better than sacrifice, I'll obey for there is no other way!

What we've been up to

I realised (a while ago) that I haven't quite updated the blog for a while. Facebook has been too easy. So I have been pretty much stuck there whenever I have time on the lappy. For many who don't know yet, I have also resigned from work and will be looking after Janice full time for a season. A SAHM. wow.

I am still finishing up at work, so I still work once a week and here and there from home. That also explains for the lack of entries because on days when I can sit in front of the lappy for longer stretches, I will be trying to get something done.

Janice has quite a couple of allergies, so her diet is more restricted than many other babies her age, so I decided to look after her full time so that I can monitor a bit more to prevent eczema flare ups etc. I realise too that she's been growing so much and soaking up everything like a little sponge, so to be able to be with her and teach her is a big bonus. As with finances and future plans, deserves another entry in itself. God's been so good, His provision, affirmation really helped me to feel at peace in making these steps.

It's been rewarding so far, Janice seems to be really enjoying being at home more. I think we're doing much better because all the rushing to childcare and to work have been minimised. I have more brain capacity to be able to think, plan and also meet up with people. She's been growing so much, imitating me and building her motor skills.

But being a SAHM is physically tiring! I think I am more tired at the end of the day and each day just whizz by because of the intensity sometimes. As I am typing now, Janice is sucking and chewing on my knee cap... ??!!

I am enjoying this phase very much though. Watching her grow and do new stuffs. The satisfaction of being able to complete a piece of work while being able to play with her and talk to her. The serenity on some days when I could be watching her play and I would be praying and reading the bible at the same time.

Thank you Lord for this opportunity.

Receiving God's Revelation

Great stuff from Bill Johnson! Got infected by Mr Li and I have been reading quite a bit from Bill Johnson. So rather than just keeping it at mere knowledge, I am going to try to apply them in my life. So I will have to work on these 8 insights starting at having that Childlike faith in approaching God and His word. Will set aside 8 weeks to try my best to work on all 8 of them in becoming more of God's friend. Hope you all will be encouraged as well.

The following is a list of practical suggestions for those wanting to grow in revelation from God.

1. Become childlike. Simplicity and humility of heart helps qualify a person to hear from God, while the desire to be profound is a wasted desire. What many discover after years of teaching is that the word that is simple is often the most profound. “At that time Jesus answered and said, “I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and have revealed them to babes.” (Matthew 11:25)

2. Obey what you know. Jesus taught His followers, “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on My own authority.” (John 7:17) “If anyone wills . . . he shall know” – Clarity comes to the one willing to do the will of God. The willingness to obey attracts revelation, because God is the ultimate steward, investing His treasures into fertile ground – the surrendered heart.

3. Learn the biblical art of ‘meditation’. “I call to remembrance my song in the night; I will meditate within my heart, and my spirit makes diligent search.” (Psalms 77:6) Biblical meditation is a diligent search. Whereas religious cults teach people to empty their minds as the means of meditation, the Bible teaches us to fill our minds with God’s Word. Meditation has a quiet heart and a ‘directed’ mind. Mulling a word over in our heart, with a pursuit that springs from the inquisitive child’s heart, is meditation.

4. Live in faith. “Whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them.” (2 Corinthians 4:4) Revelation comes to the one expressing faith! Live with the understanding that God has already willed to give you His mysteries (Matthew 13:11), and ask accordingly. Then thank Him in advance.

5. Acquire an understanding heart. This sort of heart has the foundations in place for something to be constructed upon it. These are the basic concepts of the King and His kingdom. Proper foundations attract the builder (revelator) to come and add to those foundations. “But knowledge is easy to one who has understanding.” (Proverbs 14:6) God wisely stewards fresh insight to those who have the basic principles in place. When fresh insights come, the understanding heart has a “slot to put it in”. It is not lost as seed spilled on the ground.

6. Give God your nights. I try to end each day with my heart’s affection stirred up and directed to the Holy Spirit. What an amazing way to go to sleep. The Song of Solomon reveals this poetically, “I sleep, but my heart is awake.” (Song of Solomon 5:2) God loves to visit us in the night and give us instruction that we would have a hard time receiving during the day.

7. Give away what you have already received. He draws out of the deep places in our hearts things that are not yet a part of our conscious thought processes. (Proverbs 20:5)

8. Become a friend of God. God shares His secrets with His friends. “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)

My baby is 10 months

My baby darling, you're 10 months today, almost gonna be a toddler soon. No matter how old you are you're still gonna be my precious baby. So pardon me that 20 years on, i'll still fret over over the littlest things because a mother's heart will never change. Love you heaps, mommy